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1. |
Torn
02:18
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Homeless.
Glimpsing the light as you open the door.
A warming light offering wholeness and spreading peace.
I enter in hoping to find a place to be myself.
Homeless.
Glimpsing the light as you open the door.
A warming light offering wholeness and spreading peace.
I enter in hoping to find a place to be myself.
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2. |
Proem
02:57
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Dear father,
years’ve gone by.
Since the day.
I’ve been born.
Since I took my first steps.
Into the unknown and in your arms.
Insecure but hopeful.
Hoping for a place to be myself.
Insecure but hopeful.
Hoping for a place to be myself.
I was grown up before I started to be a child.
’Cause my heart understood.
That I’ll never be the person it wants me to be.
But the closer I came, the deeper you cut.
The idea of home a knife I couldn’t see.
I only wanted your love.
The closer I came the more it hurt.
Even when I decided to leave you.
My breaking heart still loved you.
Why did I – why did I leave you ?
How can I find peace at sea.
When my safe haven is burning.
Not a single night without lying awake.
Knowing you are waiting for me.
Feeling worthless.
Worthless to be loved.
Poorly to be who you want me to be.
Everything I am is drowning in imperfection.
Longing for perfection.
I am your child.
The prodigal child.
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3. |
Exposure
03:19
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What’s left after all these years ?
My beloved child.
Since you left this house.
That was never your home.
Years gone by.
I hate my inability.
The promises I couldn’t hold.
And most of your fear running into my arms – into my arms.
And what has changed ?
And what has changed.
I swore to have integrity the day you left the womb.
After your first cry.
Love for you was all I felt.
But yet we stay in different places.
Craving for the same thing.
That one day we’ll never say goodbye.
Every goodbye we had.
Was covered in silence. Soaked with unspoken love.
Unable to look each others eyes.
But I tried to play the role.
That comes with being a family.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
I wanted to love you.
But every apology opens wounds I won’t allow to heal.
I won’t allow to heal.
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4. |
Despair
03:35
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Tell me the story of my plan again.
To only take love I deserve.
’Cause I taught my heart to understand.
I’m not worth admiring for what I’ve done.
For what I’ve done.
What useless question.
To ask what I’m fighting for.
What useless question.
The reason I’m breathing in.
I want your love.
But I’m not sure if I’m enough.
Will you let me in ?
When my journey comes to an end ?
Am I enough ?
What endless pain.
Running away from you.
Crawling into my sleep.
Asking questions.
Every time I found an answer.
I still want more.
Don’t call me weak.
Don’t call me weak.
Unless you have a better plan.
What if I’m not the same child you used to know ?
What if I’m not the same child you used to know ?
What if I’m not the same you used to know ?
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5. |
Confession
04:12
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The distance changes nothing.
I won’t forget your face.
Time changes nothing.
I miss you just as much as the day you left.
Come home and rest for a while.
I know you won’t.
’Cause you still haven’t found.
What you are looking for.
’Cause I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.
What we’re hoping for.
I close my eyes while i’m breathing in.
’Cause I hope you understand.
Every decision I made was out of love.
My regrets are true.
Your leaving changed nothing.
I still love you as my child.
Silence changed nothing.
I still miss the sound of your voice.
Whether you like it or not.
Alone will be something.
You’ll be quite a lot.
Not because I want you to be.
But you choose to stay.
But I will still try to fix what you’re missing.
Taking my own flesh.
Just to find out that it won’t fit.
I will use my time.
Chasing you into your uncertainty and fear.
Just to watch you flee when you see me.
Anxious.
Going deeper and deeper.
But I wanna die trying.
I wanna die trying.
But I wanna die trying.
Rather than live and lose you.
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6. |
Ambivalence
04:41
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What did I expect to find ?
Leaving you, chasing you.
For every single tear.
My heart wants me to cry.
I pray that hate would justify.
The storm growling in my soul.
But every wave threatens my foundation.
You are.
The person I blame.
And the one I turn for help.
On my wildest trails.
You are the one I ask for direction.
But I doubt you have the answers.
That’s how it is.
The way I believe in.
The truth I search.
And find after being lost in myself.
I will not go ashore.
Finding rescue in the ruins.
That once held our family together.
I always knew what to do when you said yes.
I counted my blessings.
But I’m afraid of you saying no.
I wanna give up hurting you.
But I’m afraid of loosing the right hurting you.
Forgiveness must be a wonderful thing.
Taking the knife out of my back.
Not using it against.
The ones I love.
That’s how it is.
The way I believe in.
Who is gonna see my scars ?
Will you still feel me when it stops bleeding ?
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7. |
Promises
04:18
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Stop bleeding.
Start breathing.
If you don’t heal.
What hurt you.
Your blood drips on people who didn’t cut you.
Your anxiety is lying to you.
You are loved and going to be ok.
Even though you are not perfect.
You must be true.
You must be true.
When you’re trying to find out.
The reason worth fighting for – worth living for.
I’m your answer.
When you feel like.
You are made to be broken.
I just want you to know who I am.
When you’re trying to find out.
The reason worth fighting for.
When you feel like.
You are made to be broken.
I just want you to know who I am.
I just want you to know who I am.
I’m your failing father.
I just want you to know who I am.
Your loving father.
Stop bleeding.
Start breathing.
If you don’t heal.
What hurt you.
Your blood drips on people who didn’t cut you.
Your anxiety is lying to you.
You are loved and going to be ok.
Even though you are not perfect.
You must be true.
You must be true.
Maybe I can’t provide you safe shelter.
When water rises.
But I can stay with you, waiting in the ruins.
Hoping to see the sun again.
Feeling the warm spreading light as it slowly dries our doubts.
It’s okay if all you do is surviving.
When you are surviving you can’t dream.
It’s ok to feel weak.
After climbing on the rocks over and over again.
Still swallowed by the waves.
All I need is you to trust me.
That we still stand after the waves pull back.
Just to rise and crash over us again and again.
But we will wait and hold on.
Until my promise comes true.
Until my promise comes true.
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8. |
Curtain
06:59
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As long as I know you.
I’ve been running away from you.
I’m waiting for the wind to stop blowing.
I’m longing for the sun.
As Long as I am running.
I’m waiting for the wind to stop.
The waves to stop crashing.
The rain to stop dripping in my eyes.
I’m losing the focus on my way home.
Come home.
Come home.
Come home and rest for a while.
Come home and rest for a while.
Come home and rest for a while.
I rather built the known again.
Than wandering searching for the unseen.
Don’t talk about trust.
I need you to strengthen myself.
Not to destroy the building I call home.
It gave me shelter as the water rose.
Even after my breakdown.
I searched rescue in the ruins.
Surviving was my only aim.
But what should I fight for ?
The sickness unto death.
My prayers may be selfish.
But you say you love the sound of my voice.
My ways appear confusing.
But you still don’t leave my side.
My thoughts are lustful.
But you don’t condemn me.
I still doubt you.
Not as much as I did.
But I can’t overcome my concerns.
I pursue you.
’Cause I do not feel that I’ve found you.
And yet you say you found me.
Even if I don’t know if it’s worth searching me.
I avoid you but more I just try to love you.
A love that ties and hurts the same time.
I wanna stay secure in my insecurity.
What is peace ? Can I find it in the rising sea?
Why you’re sitting next to me waiting for the storm to calm down ?
I can’t receive the love in your open arms if my arms are crossed.
I’ve been dirtier than you wanna know than I wanna be.
Why are you still listening ?
Telling me to open my arms und to be free.
But still you are.
Waiting for me.
Not to finish my journey.
But to be still and know who you are.
A loving father.
Outlasting my imperfection.
Honoring my attempts.
I wanna seek peace and so I wanna pursue you.
Love is vulnerable.
Love is trusting the other not to cut you.
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The Cake Is A Lie Nuremberg, Germany
The Cake Is A Lie can be described as emotional melodic hardcore with the intention of sharing the passion for the music and people. It is more than a concert. It is a lifestyle of creating an environment for people to be themselves without any judgement. ... more
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